Holding of Wrist

When I was in 8th grade, I was picked on a lot.. I’m still not sure why, but there were 4 guys who really hated me. That year was the first time I ever seriously considered self-harm. I continued to struggle with depression over the next few years, but never to that extent. Until last year.

My junior year of high school, 2 of the guys who made my life horrible in 8th grade decided to do so again. They made fun of me for anything they could think of. Almost exactly a year ago, I cut myself for the first time using a thumbtack. For a while, I used that to cut my hips and occasionally my arm. Then I found a razor. The first time I used it, I didn’t like it, so I put it away for a while. Then one night I decided to try it again.

That time I loved it. There were a few periods where I would try and stop cutting, I think I made it a month one time, but I would always start again. In December, I developed an eating disorder. I struggled with that along with my cutting until the end of the school year. The first few weeks of June, I would eat as little as possible, tried to stay under 500 calories a day. I also started cutting my wrist more and covering the scars up with bracelets. One night my mom cornered me and made me tell her what was going on. A week later, I went to my first counselor. I saw her 3 times before I quit going. I’ve seen 2 other counselors since then, and none of them have helped me. I was cut free for 4 1/2 months before I relapsed a few weeks ago and I still struggle with feeling guilty about eating anything. I realize that I need help, but I really hate talking to anyone I know about my issues… So for now, I just blog them. 

-Mitchie